confessions

Wonder where you are.
I hope you’re feeling better.

I heard some shit about you
about some shit you’re going through
and i was sorry to hear about it.

And i silently hoped it wasn’t my fault
and secretly hoped that it was
and hated myself for making it about myself
cause you hated when i did that

and made sure you didn’t find out that i was going through the same thing at that time
because of the shit that happened between us
but it wasn’t your fault and i didn’t know how to tell you that
and make you believe me

and knew it wasn’t about me
and hoped you got better
and decided not to talk to you.

I wonder what you’re up to.
First i made sure you weren’t the last one
and then i never kissed anyone again.
I wonder who you’ve kissed since me
i wonder if that will ever not matter to me.

I hope you find someone else if you want to
I hope he has a good life too.

I wonder if you ever think of me.
I know you don’t; i just can’t seem to kill it.
It’ll probably be what kills me in the end.

I don’t know what i’d say to you
but maybe i’d say that you were wrong to treat me in that way
that your behavior crossed a line,
that i was worth more than that.

That even if you didn’t want me
you shouldn’t have said that no one ever would.
That you were wrong to say shit like that.

Maybe i’d say nothing
since you hate apologies.
Maybe i’d apologize anyway

for putting you on a pedestal but not bothering to return your calls
or do anything for your birthday.
Maybe i’d say something about God.
Oh God, you’d fucking hate that.

But i’d probably just say that i hope you have a good life
that its yours to spend with whoever you want
that i think you’re an excellent person
who can handle more from life than you think.

But that i have to respect myself as well
and i have simply got to go.

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Talk back, yo. :)

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