mortality

I’m meant to be fixing everything
instead I’m listening
to music writing poetry
and reading
some clickbait shit
well alright
I’m not scared anymore
there’s nothing you can do to me and nothing that I want from you, I’m not scared anymore
I don’t want anything
I know how to be homeless, I could be homeless
I’ve seen people die, I could die
I know how to be alone
I can be alone
wish I knew
how to tell youtube to keep up what it’s doing forever
so this song
would never end
wish I could tell you
and I wish
that my family and friends
would stop
leaving
cause I hate it when
they
leave
and I wish that the antichrist had gotten just one thing right
but everything always ends with me
I always end
up here alone and missing you buried in work that I’m never going to do six feet deep into the desperate black and ultimately wasted weekend
and if we can’t accept that
someday we’re gonna be
strangers again
then we never were
any more than that to begin with
the lesson that I didn’t want to learn from life
is the only one it ever had for me
I’ll offer up my prayer to mortality
because it’s the only reality that I’ve ever known and I want for it to be real
but pray for immortality
tonight’s a night to kill myself and pray that I’m wrong.

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