This is all i’ve got.
I wonder if heaven’s got grades.
All my relationships are superficial.
My worst problem is myself. All my worst problems are cosmic, existential and spiritual problems.
I can actually feel my eternal damnation. It feels like a slight weight in my chest and a sort of nauseous swimming in my head.
For a person who always finds everything so meaningful, everything seems so meaningless. It’s weird how it can seem so important and be so uninteresting at the same time.
I am inalienably free but my circumstances are unfree. I am a skyscraper that the world has tried to fit into a USB port. It would strip the data from my bones and send me to a distant server room in data points. I don’t know how to relate myself to the world. Attempting to make myself a part of the world I am reduced to something less than a rat; less than a slave; something closer to a hinge or ceiling tile. I am not capable of being so little; even by subjecting myself to prison, I cannot manage to make myself unfree. Even by reducing my self-image to a crude stereotype, I cannot manage to be only that. This is the source of my inner conflict.