moralistic religion doesn’t do it for me

I wonder if I’ll lose my scholarship to heaven too
flunk out just like I am like I am going to do from school
and receive some sympathetic email or letter
wishing me the best of luck in my future endeavors.
I wonder if I’ll feel the weight of their excommunication upon me
as they pronounce ostracism on me
heap condemnation on me like burning coals and curses from the old
testament make their own.
I wonder if I’ll feel the noose around my neck
as the chaplain giving me my last rites explains the just war theory
and tells me that they don’t intend to discourage me
and nothing that they’re doing right now counts as judging.
I wonder if anybody’s waiting up at night to see
if I am gonna be there
or if anybody really cares
whether they ever see me again
my friends have their own lives and I don’t have to be in them
so I’m not in them.
If there’s any justice in heaven
then god won’t let me in. (Lacey, Jesse)

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